This is the part where my heart breaks. This is probably the first time he has said it. He was probably denying it up until now. Until he is forced to say it out loud. Until he is forced to accept it. Forced to accept that his best friend is dead. That the man he has killed to protect, has done anything for, is dead. That the prospect of all the years that they would have spent together is gone. That the most important part of his life is gone. This isn’t the face of someone who has lost a best friend. This is the face of someone who has lost a part of himself. He is broken. But Sherlock didn’t break him. The fact that he thinks that Sherlock has broken himself - that’s what broke him.
Sherlock sat down at the cafe with John, not bothering to take off his coat, or even his scarf.
“Do you want anything Sherlock?” John asked looking over the menu.
“Just Tea thanks.” He replied running a hand over his face, bits and pieces of the just finished case still running through his mind. He doesn’t notice John order. He places his forehead down on the table, trying to clear it of the, now, useless facts from the case..
John looks over, and reaches up to rest his chin on his hand, as he watches the Detective fall asleep at the table. He doesn’t know if he expects it, after nearly a week of not sleeping, or he thought he’d at least make it through dinner. He reaches out to toy with a stray curl as Sherlock’s head turns to one side, and the waiter appears with his meal and the tea. John thanks him, and smiles slightly at his friend, shaking his head, and turns to quickly eat his meal.
Sherlock didn’t remember falling asleep. The next thing he knew John was shaking his shoulder lightly, telling him “Sherlock. Wake up, we better get back to the flat.” Sleepily and focusing on John to lead him in the right direction, he finally realized exactly how tired he was.. A short walk to the flat, and Sherlock collapses on his bed as soon as he can. He doesn’t change, he doesn’t even take off his shoes, but simply passes out from pure exhaustion.
When he wakes up, there’s a cup of tea on the table next to his bed…